I am applying for college and was wondering if someone could help me?

I am applying for college and I was wondering if someone could possibly help me? I am really bad at grammar and English and I had to state the reason why I was applying to the specific college and I did. I was just wondering if someone could tell me what I needed to fix, it is just a real short paragragh. Thank you so much if you can help, I really appreciate it. I can't get a hold of anyone who can do it for me.








Thiel College is not only the perfectly sized college for my needs, it is also a private Liberal Arts college, which is exactly what I am looking for. The college fits my academic necessities, such as its defined chemistry program, wireless campus, and the opportunity to buy inexpensive books. I was also very impressed by the friendly atmosphere I encountered during my visit to Thiel, and the college itself was very well taken care of, to say the least. All in all, Thiel was a wonderful experience and is a college that I will be looking into further.

I am applying for college and was wondering if someone could help me?
In line 2, I would say "fulfills my academic needs" rather than "fits my academic necessities". Then say something like: "fulfills my academic needs with its amenities, such as a defined chemistry program, a wireless-capable campus, and accesss to more affordable textbooks." And instead of "and the college itself was very taken care of, to say the least", I would reccommend rewording the sentence to something like this: "I was very impressed by the friendly atmosphere and beautiful campus (OR MAYBE SAY "well kept grounds of the campus", or "attractive campus", etc.) that I encoutered during my visit to Thiel in (INSERT MONTH OF VISIT)". Then I would say "the visit" was a wonderful experience, not "Thiel". I reccommend a closing sentence of this nature: "All in all, I feel that attending here would be a wonderful and enriching experience, and I look forward to learning more about Thiel College." Put in whatever adjectives you like, if you don't like "wonderful and enriching."





Good luck!
Reply:Your grammar does not seem to be a problem, just a few very minor errors. Other than what I have corrected below I would only suggest maybe a little more enthusiasm or a few better reason why this is the college of your choosing.








Thiel College is not only the perfect size college for my needs, but it also focuses on Liberal Arts, which is exactly what I am looking for. Your college fits my academic necessities, such as its defined chemistry program, wireless campus, and the opportunity to buy inexpensive books. I was also very impressed by the friendly atmosphere I encountered during my visit to Thiel, and the college itself was very well taken care of, to say the least. All in all, Thiel was a wonderful experience and is a college that I will be looking into further.
Reply:I recently visited Thiel College for the first time. While I was there I was very impressed by the friendy atmosphere and how well the college was taken care of (go into detail about what you liked i.e flowers, grass trimmed back, side walks, path ways, shady places to study, comfortable atmosphere, etc). Theil College looks like it would fit all my academic needs. It has a well defined chemisty program, it is a wireless campus and the opportunity to buy inexpensive books is appealing (since college education can be so expensive). The recent trip to Thiel College has made me realize that it is truely what I have been looking for my educational carreer.,it is a small private liberal college.





Thank you for allowing me to experience the life on campus and I look forward to calling it my home away from home.
Reply:I plan to attend a liberal arts college that offers a quality educational opportunity in an atmosphere where students can interact with the faculty and with each other in a open and Christian manner.


Thiel's science programs and especially the chemistry program at Thiel reflect the quaility of programs and faculty that are vital for my area of concentration.


I believe that I have an open mind and a desire to learn and grow and that I would be a positive member of the student body, both academically and personally. I look forward to an opportunity to meet and discuss Thiel and how I might become a part of the Thiel community.
Reply:I reworded va couple of things. If you need more help, you can email. Good luck!:


Thiel College, a private Liberal Arts college, is a perfect fit for my needs. The college fits my academic necessities, such as its chemistry program, wireless campus, and affordable expenses. I was also very impressed by the friendly atmosphere I encountered during my visit to Thiel and the college’s campus stood out in its beauty. All in all, I had a wonderful experience at my campus visit and Thiel is a college that I will be looking into further.
Reply:Sounds good but I would change the following just to polish it a bit. You don't need to mention inexpensive books. You can also leave out it is well taken care of, you can say you enjoyed the beautiful campus. All in all, leave out.
Reply:Don't say "necessities," becuase it's not quite right in the context of the sentence. Try "I was impressed by Thiel's..." instead. Also, at the end, you can take out "All in all" because it seems like you're stalling or trying to fill space, and instead of saying "I will be looking into further," you should probably say "I would love to attend." After all, if you're applying in the first place, you clearly have looked pretty far into it.





Good luck! I hated college apps, but after they're over and you get your first acceptance letter... talk about the biggest relief of your life.